Money, Movements and Emotions

Lately I have been overly emotional, and almost feel like the world around me is closing in. I worry about how we really can afford to bring another life into this world, I have anxiety about how the baby is growing, and just really wonder if I am cut out to be a mom. I know that we will always make it work, that the baby is perfectly healthy, and that we will do great as new parents, but I cant keep it from weighing on my mind. So in order to help ease at least some of my worries I decided to listen to Poppy's heartbeat with my handy dandy doppler. I'm laying there on the bed listening to this little heart pound away and I kept hearing these little swishing sounds and cant help but wonder if it could be Poppy moving around. And then it happens! Under the little doppler I feel pressure building and pushing out wards, I hear a swish and feel a thump! I was listening and feeling the baby's little movements! It really helped cheer me up, and I still haven't stopped smiling about it!

And on a side note!! Nick has deserved a raise at work for a long time. He finally brought it up to his boss and found out today that effective Aug 1st, he will be making about $400 more a month!! That is a huge relief and I am so happy for him! So I guess for a shitty week, today hasn't turned out so bad!

Ahhh friends!

So as many of you know, I have battled depression off and on for a long time. Slowly I have been able to pinpoint my major triggers and discovered that my main one is loneliness. And not in the 'I have no one' way because I have Nick whom is my soul mate and best friend, but in the 'I don't have friends' way. Over the years I somehow turned into a recluse and shut a lot of people out of my life, I really regret doing that and have been wanting to repair some long lost relationships. So I joined two little communities called Myspace and Facebook, and wow! Slowly I have found many of the people I have lost over the years, and was able to reconnect with them! Its really amazing where others are in their lives, and I truly am very proud of the people I called friends.

In my endeavors I have opened new doors to old relationships, and even doors to new relationships. I have gone to lunch with a new friend, spent hours on the phone with another new friend, spent countless hours chatting online with both new and old friends, gone for walks and drinks with an old (and very important) friend, and visited another old friend and fell in love with her little ones. Its really amazing that you can spend time with someone that you haven't seen in about 8ish years, and its like no time has passed in between. And for this I want to say to all my friends out there that I really love you and you do mean a whole bunch to me, and not just that but thanks for letting me keep my sanity! I cant wait to see where this particular chapter in my life leads to, and I know it will only be good things!